Here are some useful tips on recognizing and defending yourself from different emotional manipulations
1. A manipulator says something and later denies it.
That’s a form of crazy-making and it’s very convenient for the manipulator because you can’t actually prove it without hard evidence. One way to counter that form of manipulation is to carry around a notebook with you or simply take notes on your phone when you feel a certain quote should be remembered. That’s very intimidating for the manipulator and a defensive reaction (most likely another emotional manipulation attempt) is sure to follow. If you don’t want be too suspicious, you can always let the manipulator know that you just feel ‘’forgetful’’ these days. Still, most emotional manipulators are pretty skillful and it won’t be hard for them to turn that around and make you feel bad in the end. You must never underestimate such people’s talent for lying and turning things around! If you find yourself feeling obligated to notate certain people’s words for your own sake, you should ask yourself why are they still a part of your life.
2. The illusion that a manipulator is always willing to help you.
Offering or agreeing to help you goes hand in hand with complaining how bothersome the task is. Don’t expect a direct approach, though. A heavy sigh, eyes rolling, an annoyed facial expression– expect anything but saying what they really think. The moment you try to blame them they don’t look like they are willing to help you, crazy-making kicks in once again. A manipulator will often try to play the victim. Your goal in such situations is to draw them out to admit how they really feel about the situation.
See also: 10 Methods of Mind Control
3. Instilling guilt and playing victim.
Those are the manipulator’s most loyal weapons and he’ll use them whenever there is an opportunity. As we saw earlier, an emotional manipulator will rarely say openly what they really think– their goals are accomplished entirely through emotional manipulation. Manipulators can take advantage of the victim role, too. By seeding the feeling of guilt, they could easily make you fight their battles and they won’t even be grateful. It is likely that a quick act of showing how they didn’t want you to do anything in the first place is to follow. The trick here is to be careful who’s dirty work you are doing. Do they really deserve it? .
4.Your criticism will most likely be turned against you.
There’s no point of being honest and pointing out stuff you don’t like about the manipulator. That’s their chance to turn it around! The question is how will it be this time. Don’t forget– every time another manipulation goes by, it’s sure to be used against you. One way the manipulator turns things around is blaming everything on a side factor and then making you feel bad for criticizing. Example: Your date is late and as soon as you point it out, she starts blaming her boss for holding her at work. The next thing you know, she is already explaining how you aren’t making her day better by whining and so on. At this point, even if you know she’s lying, there’s nothing much you can say. Either that or you find yourself trying to make her feel better. Don’t do that! Don’t take an apology if you’re sure it’s full of crap. The key here is to judge the relevant person right and trust your gut.
5. The so called ‘’emotional manipulator’s aura”.
In other words, the way the manipulator’s emotions spread among everyone around them. If, for example, the manipulator is feeling down for some reason, the natural instinctual response of the people around him would be to try to make him feel better. By doing so the people will hope to balance the “emotional climate” in the room. That’s a way to make people do the dirty work for you. Tolerate this kind of behavior for too long and you’ll totally forget about your needs!
6. Making your problems look small or insignificant.
Has it ever happened to you, to tell someone about a bad experience you’ve had once, and them to start talking about themselves without even allowing you to finish your story? That’s another kind of emotional manipulation. The manipulator isn’t willing to hear what you have to say and the only thing they really care about is for them to be heard. Furthermore, a huge wave of narcissism is to follow! In many cases the manipulator will just put the spotlight back on them again – “Your car broke down? Ha ,that’s nothing – wait until you hear about my office problems…”. Again common sense is useless in this situation – as soon as you blame the manipulator he’ll probably accuse YOU for always taking the spotlight. Don’t bother , just walk away ,there is no place for arguing here.
See also: 18 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder